Cultivating Compassion: Good, Enough

A young person, mid-twenties, whom I accompany as a soul-friend asked, “You’re saying it’s possible I’m good enough just the way I am? That’s hard for me to believe. How come we never hear that message?” That conversation was two years ago during a telephone spiritual guidance exchange. I have not forgotten the question or my response.

Outer, external voices seek to influence and define our inner reality, informing us how we think and feel, what we expect and desire. We receive messages about how to appear through the way we dress and what we say, and even where our social action should—or shouldn’t—be placed. Images, words, and encounters can come from the media, strangers, or people we share a home with. The truth is, most of these words do not ring with accuracy. No one can define our inner reality, our own lived experience. It is a form of abuse when this occurs—a stealing of another person’s unique identity, personality, and a loss of the opportunity to validate dreams, hopes, fears, or life-given purpose and gifts.

Spiritual direction or spiritual guidance is a place and time to validate, explore, and discover the powerful human experience of connection, healing, and love.

That evening on the telephone I encouraged, “Perhaps you are good enough. Just like this, right now. You are, and I am. We all are. No matter the circumstance. Certainly we can always be better, and there is value in striving for more. But, today, right now, maybe you are good, enough.” With this particular seeker, questions about God or the Sacred Other was not part of our conversation. A deep sense of judgment and abandonment had created an angry soul-wound. My role was to put skin on compassion and care.

A few days after the conversation, I recalled “Wild Geese” a favorite poem by Mary Oliver from Dream Works (1994). Her opening lines shocked me. I invite you to tumble Oliver’s insight into your heart and body:

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

It is time to announce our place in the world, invite others in out of the cold to break bread, gather at our table, in our communities, at the workplace, in our schools, places of worship, and in our sacred circles. There is enough when we share with love. Let us love what we love, and love one another with welcoming presence. We all belong. This starting place is good, enough.

Reflect

• Do I give myself permission to love what I love, feel what I feel?
• Who can I invite in out of the cold to join me at my table?
• What healing and hope can emerge through my heart of compassion and thanksgiving?
• Am I good, enough?
• Do I know when to say, “enough.”

— Pegge Erkeneff,
Excerpted from Listen: A Seekers Guide to Spiritual Direction, April 2012, vol. 6.2, published by Spiritual Directors International, www.sdiworld.org.

Speaking of Faith: Holding Life Consciously

“Is it possible to be alive, active in the world, and yet have such calm, such kind of inner openness and presence that one can lead a life, at least in part, that is an expression of that quality of meditative quiescence that’s on the one hand quite alert and on the other hand, completely at ease, completely at rest.” –Arthur Zajonc

Krista Tippett, author, producer, and host of the Public Radio show, “Speaking of Faith” writes, “Focused Attention, Open Awareness” – I’m not sure I’d seen the words “physicist” and “contemplative” in the same sentence many times, much less found them together as descriptors of the same person, before I met Arthur Zajonc.”

The opening words in Tippett’s e-mail announcement for the June 24, 2010 show, “Holding Life Consciously” grabbed me. I had not yet listened to the show or podcast on my iPod, but immediately threads of subtle language began to weave in me: Focus. Attention. Open Awareness. Alert. Alive. Stillness.

Gift yourself. Take a minute to read the quotes in this blog post. Or, read the full description I read in the e-mail announcement, and listen to the June 24, 2010 Speaking of Faith show, “Holding Life Consciously”

As you read, notice and ask yourself:
What opens in me as I listen to this conversation?
Is my inner knowing affirmed with any insight?
Does a phrase or turn of words evoke an inner smile and affirmation within me?

From June 24, 2010 Speaking of Faith show, “Holding Life Consciously:
“Zajonc’s own life experience has been recently reshaped by a diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease. He has seen the progression of this illness in other members of his family, and so has some understanding of what is ahead. This is at one and the same time a source of grief and a continuation of the adventure Arthur Zajonc has long been on — to explore what holding life consciously means, now with a progressively debilitating condition. He tells me: “There are two main types of meditation and both of them are part of my life, which one is a concentration and the other is what I call open awareness. It’s a very open presence.” In the concentration phase, tremors actually worsened.

You have a line of poetry or from scripture or an image and you bring your full undivided single-pointed attention to that content. But as we’re straining mentally to do that, the hand begins to tremor more. And then when you release the image and become very still and quiet and open yourself wide, the hand slowly calms to the point where indeed your whole body feels at ease and the tremor disappears. Interesting…

I can see that the mind and the body are so delicately attuned to one another that these practices affect the Parkinson’s state itself. … So here’s the question I pose to myself.

“Is it possible to be alive, active in the world, and yet have such calm, such kind of inner openness and presence that one can lead a life, at least in part, that is an expression of that quality of meditative quiescence that’s on the one hand quite alert and on the other hand, completely at ease, completely at rest.”

June 24, 2010 Speaking of Faith show, “Holding Life Consciously.

This post first appeared June 28, 2010, in my Spiritual Directors International blog post. www.sdiworld.org.

What do you think? Is it possible to hold life consciously? What spiritual practices help you cultivate an alive, active, calm?

Blogging for HoustonBelief.com

Why will an Alaskan woman blog for HoustonBelief.com? Posted by PeggeBernecker at 3/26/2009 7:37 PM CDT at http://www.chron.com/channel/houstonbelief/commons/searching.html

For starters, in a virtual world with a 5,000 mile driving distance between Alaska and Texas, the undeniable power of technology now bridges time and place. This is significant to me.

While the time difference is three hours, and the geography is distinctly different (Mount Redoubt, a volcano fifty miles from me has just erupted) similarities do exist between here and there. Both are vast states, with a landscape that is sturdy and rugged. Densities of population exist in central areas, along with scattered outlying communities, and wide open spaces with an expansive horizon. A diversity of race, ethnicity, socio-economic, and education among people is present. Vivid light and artistic contributions flourish. There are many more parallels than meet the eye at first glance.

Back to the question at hand: why will an Alaskan woman spend time writing for the Houston Chronicle’s new Web site about faith? The answer is to begin a conversation and acquaint myself with you. I am preparing for a trip to Houston during April 15-21, 2009. I’ll attend the 2009 North American events sponsored by Spiritual Directors International where workshops will be offered around the theme of “Being Present.” I am always searching for significance among ordinary, everyday life events. I wonder if you do too?

I occasionally ponder the inner human landscape of sensation, emotion, thought and experience, and the correlation to an outer landscape of the world where we move, breathe, and inhabit the minutes and hours of day and night. The landscapes of Alaska and Texas capture my interest. Do you wonder about the connection between the inner and outer landscape of your life?

Please share your generous Texas hospitality with me and one another as I open my heart and ponderings to you over the next few weeks and beyond through HoustonBelief. Where do you find significance and meaning within your home, workplace, and community? What resources do you share with others? Will you welcome the strangers that live and travel within your midst?

I look forward to beginning a conversation with you.